Reminiscing About Eid Holidays

While eid can be an occasion for fun and festivity for most, it can also be somewhat exhausting for some. This exhaustion mostly stems from the emotional toll borne as a result of staying with family for extended periods of time. It can be tiresome because having more than usual family time reawakens many wounds of the past that one tries to constantly bury deep inside one's unconscious mind. 

For me eid, or any other holidays for that matter, can be triggering as hell. I had a pretty sad childhood growing up and having to put up with family members who were somehow responsible for the trauma can be quitr damaging for one's mental health. Since, such gathering can't altogether be avoided, I try to come up with boundaries with my family so as to limit the damage as much as I can. This isn't always helpful though because one has feelings of ambivalence towards one's parents and siblings: on the one hand, we know that they are toxic to certain extent and need to get avoided to preserve one's sanity, on the other hand, one also feels the need to connect with them because they're family after all and one loves them unconditionally. 

What helps a lot during such times is that I now have my husband with me who I can trust and rely on. Having him with me allows me to express my feelings in a safe space which wasn't available to me before marriage.

My eid was all that bad. It was filled with moments both good and bad. However, I have been having this urge to write it all down and now that I have, I feel so much better for it.